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Before you read on:
PLEASE READ THE DISCLAIMER
Welcome to What Would Satan Do . com!
For those of you visiting for the first time, please read this before you go any further:
Unfortunately, I have discovered that most of my visitors, have no ability to read or see things for what they are. This site, for the most part, serves no purpose other than being a place for me to rant. It is obvious that no one EVER reads my disclaimer. So I am now changing it to a pre-requisite for those of you who wish to continue further inside my head.
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Give me a milk...Chocolate...
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| By Jared - 02/04/2004 - 7:43pm |
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I know this has been beaten to the ground, but I must put in my thoughts.
Do we really care about Janet’s tit? Are we supposed to believe that children AND grown ups were scarred by the sighting of a [black] tit?
First off, your kids have already, and will see more of identical tits just looking in National Geographic. We all have internet access and have seen MUCH worse just in our spam email. But I guess it’s ok to get the family and friends together to watch teams you don’t even fucking care about. I guess it’s ok to show your son how to be a bloated, drunken, raging football fan. I guess its psychologically damaging that a "youngster" see a tit, but it’s not at all damaging or negatively influential to teach them how "cute" beer is. They show all those dumb fucking commercials with frogs and beer, or whatever they are up to this year. Or Goddamn McDonalds commercials influencing your child that a happy meal is actually somehow fucking HAPPY. You know what IS happy? TITS(well maybe not the one we are talking about) but in general, they are. McDonalds is shitty food, made from shitty meat, taken from sick, drugged up animals, thrown at us by some fucking nazi, pervert clown. This food serves no function other than making you fat and sick, since it is nutritionally worthless. You blame it on genetics that your 10 year old boy is a fucking lard ass, but don’t even consider that it just might possibly be the toxic sludge you allow him to put in his mouth because you are too fucking lazy to make him a healthy meal or teach him about proper nutrition. Like 90% of Americans, you believe a clown and a Multi-Death Corporation over basic common sense nutritional instincts. Maybe your kid has a learning disability since you have fueled his brain development with fried foods, and rotting flesh. Maybe your daughter has mental issues since her normal seratonin levels can’t be achieved since her brain is too busy trying to fight off the cancer she eats all fucking day…
All of this is ok, but we have to launch a federal investigation over a TIT.
I am fucking embarrassed to be part of the Taliban, I mean America.
I guess it’s also ok, for your kids to watch war, live on television. They can see the pretty flashes of light as we attack Baghdad, not being told that with each flash and boom, hundreds, probably thousands of people are dying. Again, this is all perfectly ok, but a simple life giving, baby feeding, flabby negro titty is going to RUIN them forever.
Fuck you assholes, fuck all of you.
Worry about shit that matters. Like cancer, health, compassion, love.
Ugh… fuck you !
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Um....What???
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| By Jared - 01/18/2004 - 5:00pm |
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This is an email I received a few months ago but sorta forgot about. I feel it deserves to be read by all of you.
I appreciate this persons efforts in writing to me, but holy fuck does this letter contain the deepest attack on the English language I have ever seen.
Enjoy:
First thing is first, this is sort of a make shift test first off instult my spelling and your reply go's strait in the trash, i admit my spelling is horible. thats your first test if you fail it just go's to show your mind is closed and bound by trivial requwirments. for the sake of my view of you i hope you dont fail
now for something nice:
I give u alot of credit. your not your avrage"FUCK YOU I HAIT YOU AND BLABLBA I HAIT THIS I DONT SUPORT THIS BLABLA BAL"
no.. ur the most inteligent "FUCK YOU I HAIT WHAT YOU THINK IS CORECT YET ODLY EVEN BY YOR OWN THOUGHTS AND JUDGMENTS make them INCORECT"
somthing like that
any ways i was looking at your "dont Eat meat" information. those video's are powerfull now they look like spy video's with the nature of the cammra handeling. are they?
any ways im 10 Cents on meat. Capitalism Dictates the chepest method is the right method. and considering this concept the methods to the slautering of animals will be the most primitive and bruttal 1000 pigs one pipe wrench you do the anual expence report on that. now i like meat, im not ashamed or scared of you to say that. i like what your showing people becuse its all too true. but even some one as intelignt as you cant argue the historical and biological nature of the consumption of meat is. now i ask you is there any such methods if implmented know or un-known that would alter your view on meat?
I think your going to say no, but i hope you dont, and not becuse of meat (your Next test)
honestly between you and me its a trivial argument considering the fact that the ods of u and me ever meating face to face is 1 in a billion
BUT I hope u dont say no becuse if you do it just go's to show your no better then the finatical's that you hait.
now im shure you can give more then ample reason to counter my point but in terms of humman advancment all your arguments save morality have no meaning considering the ideas that all things have a sulution in time. the only logical answer is yes. in terms of logic with ethics aside.
ok i hope your not mad at me at this point and reddy to flame me on your sight that would just be falure of "way to be 9 years old" test.
ok alittle about me so you dont think im all high and mighty with myideas.
i have no faith in any form of orginised worship, this is not to say im a person who dosent care about others and any of that crap that other Religons sopsidly premote.
no ask any one im the nicest gratest guy you can talk to who dose all kinds of good things.. but why no faith? simple. "Why waist time asking air to do what only hummans can do" "You are in control of your life to only a serton level beond that some other humman(s) have control, "god is a 3 letter word that people use as an exscuse"
i feel people hide behind morals, "god" becuse there too stupid to think for them selves, if half the people who spend time asking GOD to help spent that time analysing the sitchuwation and making judgments based on grounded ideas and not some "MORALS" they might realise they have more moreals that make more sence and will get more things done and more things fixed.
any ways thats me sort of.. that my look at the "G,O,D, Wast of time"
humm.. u know i think i ran out of things to say. any ways if it means any thing as far as unconditional respect and grounds of peace i took the time to E-mail you.
Oh and as for the "Laced, Red licorice" (i hope this isnt to late)
your mostly fucked. not un less you can level out with the manager and play the im totaly inocent and will exsept any dision you make given my respect for you as my boss (I hope your on good terms with him)then you play out the it was just Laced licorice and if posible show him an Exsample of the candy just to astablish a soild understanding of the food in Question.
but before you talk to the manager try and drop the honesty bomb on herwith a little bit of the are you all right nice nese. basicly astablish a im on ur side stance with her. if she dosent bite make shure you dont piss her off thats the last thing u need. back to the manager tell him you told her you where inocent if she bits ur off the hook, if she dosent you need to astablish with the manager that its a he seed she seed at this point, and if hes a smart guy he should understand that he canot rule in favor of you or her in this argment and he cant fire any one on sercomstnchal evidnce. thats provided he has a brain. now if u need to play a jocker card tell him that her drug problum is just that. this is not to say she dose druges but she clearly put her self is a position in witch she injested LSD
also if you where doing LSD and you worked longenof there would be people (hopefull firends) who could testify to the fact that you where strait and doing your job, becuse good luck working while triping it just dosent hapen. also stait that one pece of licorice with LSD couldent fuck her up enof to get her out of work. why. becuse for licorice to be laced with LSD under the understanding that you plan to eat all of it would mean that it would contane varly littel LSD given the fact that you would have to lace it with a suliton perportional to the carier. next, tell him loook if i had licorice laced with LSD DO YOU THINK I WOULD GIVE IT TO SOME ONE I ONLY KNEW FOR 3 WEEKS AT WORK!#@%!^
u dont have to say it all pissed off like but thats just the one spot that dosent hold watter.
hell none of this holds watter and if i was ur boss, id yell at you for just geting draged into this. and id yell at her for starting shit. and just explane how i dont medeate he Sed she shed's when nither side's bulshit even holds watter.
thats if i was a boss but im not.
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Religion is a Wonderful thing
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| By Jared - 01/18/2004 - 2:12pm |
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It weeds out the weak and stupid.
Suicide Bomber
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Can't you see you're not making christianity better?
You're just making rock & roll WORSE.
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| By Jared - 01/07/2004 - 1:30am |
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What is it about this site that makes me a hit with the over 40 moms and the under 18 girls?
Is it wrong to go to a Stryper concert and think about NOTHING other than dropping a massive lode on the face of the one and only 16 year old, gothy/alterna, Hot Topic looking fan that the band has?
I was outside M Bar in Hollywood tonight, when what I assume was a homeless black man wearing gigantic headphones and carrying a box of food came up to me. He mumbled something I couldn’t make out. I said "I don’t understand". He repeated his throaty vagrant jibberish. Again I said "I don’t understand". He then abruptly and CLEARLY yelled at me "OH YOU UNDERSTAND NIGGA!!!!" and began to walk off.
I then knocked his food out of his hand, punched him in the gut til he fell to the ground and proceeded to kick him in the face til all the nubs he had for teeth were impaled in my boot, and I was satisfied.
I didn’t really do that, but I sure fantasized about it as he yelled at me
Ugh, this update sucks. Here are a few of my old rants:
Oh, one more thing: Some moron mocked me the other day for being a vegan by calling me a FAGAN. Wow, I guess he really burned me.
But I guess he is right. It's not like I have any legitimate reasons to be how I am:
| Don't be a pussy. READ and LEARN |
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Ugh, Enough Already!!!
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| By Jared - 11/15/2003 - 6:30pm |
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Am I really supposed to give a fuck who the dj’s at a club are? Am I supposed to care that they have "spun" in NYC, LA, SF, Milan, or my fucking ass? When I was 5, I started playing all my parents vinyl: Sabbath, BTO, um Barbara Striesand, The Beatles, etc… Little did I know that had I only put up fliers around kindergarten or had access to Friendster, I could have had mad pussy flowin in. You know what else? That record player I had back then could play 8 Tracks, and 78’s. That’s right motherfuckers, 78’s, and I’m gonna be at Star Shoes in Hollywood THIS Thursday only. There’s no cover, but you gotta use the password AQUAFINA, to get in…ugh
I appreciate anyone with decent musical tastes, but please forgive me for being NONE impressed that you can sit up in a booth and play records. Once again, I was doing it at 5.
If you are a dj, I don’t care, I am not really ripping on you, but once you develop an ego about it, it’s time for you to go. And the people that promote you to be some fucking legendary musical genius need to get a grip. You want to impress me, play guitar, drums, bass. Hell, shit on stage and I’d be more impressed. I don’t care that fucking DJ Spinny Spinster from Guam is in town TONIGHT only!!! It’s just a dude playing records, acting like he’s a fucking rockstar.
Support WhatWouldSatanDo.com
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A Tribute to One of the First WWSD Fans
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| By Phude - 11/07/2003 - 12:59am |
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It comes to my knowledge today, that one week ago the WWSD family has lost one of its members and original followers. She was a terrific WWSD Militia member as well. A wee bit scared of the guns
but a good bitch. She was a beloved friend, loyal and advertourous. I, as others will miss her with all my heart. Tammy was one of the best damned Chiuiuas ever. She was a sparky girl that loved to
eat chap-stick, drink beers and keep your lap warm. Damn did that bitch love beer. She'd drink a whole bottle... good times - good times....
Well, I just wanted to say Rest in Peace Tammy. I Love You and will howl alone for you and only you.
Tammy
? - 2003
R.I.P.
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I've Got a Long Way To Go
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| By Jared - 11/01/2003 - 10:06pm |
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How pathetic, I sit here at 8pm on a Saturday, doing nothing productive. Unless, masturbatory contemplation, Southern Comfort and pathetically browsing girls younger than myself in the myspace.com galleries is considered productive… It's all even made worse by the lack of "Online NOW" logo's beneath any of these peoples pictures.
I am so fucking unmotivated right now.
Anyway, I am sure some of you heard that musician Elliot Smith killed himself last week. I had heard his name a thousand times, and some soundtrack music. But never really knew much about him or his music. I believe I am acquainted with some who knew him personally.
Now that he is dead, the internet radio station I listen to is playing him CONSTANTLY, and I am starting to REALLY enjoy his music.
I have never really understood suicide too much, since I have never really considered it, but I often overhear people insult those who kill themselves as being selfish. It is true; it is an extremely selfish act. But in cases of musicians (Kurt Cobain, Ian Curtis) and in this case Elliot Smith, you need to listen to their music. These are usually people who feel things in a different way than most others do. When they hurt, they FUCKING HURT BAD. You can hear it in the music, the lyrics. They have what most of us call "a gift" to write these songs that make us cry, or make us just feel miserable. Well if just hearing that song can make you feel all the sadness you’ve ever felt, or flashback to when you were 5 and your dad yelled at you for the first time, the first time you felt fear, the first time you realized what heartache was, the first time and everytime you feel what you feel when someone close dies…Well then imagine what it like to always feel ALL of that. That, and yes, talent, is what produces those songs. Most do not kill themselves, some should(Axl), some use a lot of drugs to help themselves not always feel so much pain. Sometimes they OD on accident or on purpose. You will often hear "what a waste, he was so talented". Was it really a waste? Did they leave us with beautiful songs that will stick with you forever. Songs that will become your nostalgia, maybe a song you love so much you will request it to be played at your own funeral.
All I am saying, and this is NOT being insensitive, is that when rockstars die, it’s not really a shame. It’s not "before their time". Maybe it’s right on time. Maybe they gave all they had. They felt enough pain. No Prozac or drug can help after a certain point. Enjoy what is left behind. Maybe even enjoy your inability to write those songs.
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New Guestbook/Discussion forum
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| By Jared - 10/28/2003 - 6:50pm |
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I switched servers this week, and have a new discussion forum in place of the typical guestbook format.
Please come partake in it.
In case you don't have a television, Los Angeles is BURNING
In response to efforts to lift my mood while I sit here suffocating on smoke and ash, I wrote this.
Please enjoy:
Canoga Park, CA—Local area resident Doug Gordon is saying "enough is enough".
Gordon is fed up with Simi Valley/Thousand Oaks residents burning homes ending up on his property, and is taking legal action to stop it.
"My house isn’t burning. You don’t see the ashes of MY home on someone’s Beemer, 20 miles away. How inconsiderate can these people be?" Added Gordon "Just cuz you live in Simi Valley, doesn’t mean you own the fucking valley!"
Gordon recruited fellow neighbors to picket at the edges of the fire line. Carrying banners with sayings like "Simi kick your ASH!!!" and "Pollute your own city" the picketers promised to get back at the Simi Valley residents.
"Every morning I wake up for work and there is ash all over my car. Do you know what that ash is from? It’s from the burning homes of Simi Valley residents. It’s from the charred stuffed animals of Simi Valley resident’s children. "I don’t have kids, so why should I be paying a price for theirs?"
Gordon added, "Residents of Simi Valley need to learn how to not be so selfish. They will pay for this, my lawyer and I will see to that…"
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For anyone who cares.
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| By Jared - 10/26/2003 - 2:56pm |
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Ok, it’s been a while since I last updated. I moved, and my new ISP could not figure out how to give me a connection. A rant regarding this matter will come tomorrow.
Until then, here are some treats for you all:
My car broke down a month ago, and being midnight, I was having no luck with 411 finding me a tow truck that was available. So, my search for a yellow pages brought me to a horrifyingly delightful treat. Below are the result of this find:
If you need to purify your thoughts after witnessing the above filth,
I offer you a new gift from the East Coast WWSD Army
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I Woke Up Early The Day I Died
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| By Jared - 09/12/2003 - 5:59pm |
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I was, like most people from age group a fan of Three's Company, and especially of John Ritter.
He never received the mainstream acceptance as a great actor that he truly deserved. Of course many of his films weren't all that great, but some were absolutely hilarious. His lack of MASS acceptance is actually what probably made him so cool. My two favorite roles of his were as the clueless Bob Wilson in "Real Men" and as the Televangelist, Moses Helper in Greg Araki's "Nowhere".
Back in high school, Real Men was on cable CONSTANTLY, and if I came across it while flipping through the channels, I would have to watch the entire thing.
I used to work on the Disney movie lot, and one day met Jim Belushi (Ritter’s costar in Real Men) and we shared an unexpected moment of doing lines from the movie, with Jim as his character, and me as Ritters character. I just wanted to tell Belushi how much I loved that movie, and he just started quoting it. I shot back and it was fun, funny, and wonderfully awkward. I always wanted to share my feelings on that film with John Ritter as well. Not in a fanboy stalker kind of way, but just to thank someone for making me laugh for so many years.
Ritter was currently working on his ABC show "8 Rules For Dating My teenage Daughter" on the Disney lot. That was where he became ill the day before his death. I never did see that show, nor did I get to meet him. I did meet his wife’s parents once on a flight from Chicago to Los Angeles though.
I was greatly saddened to hear of his death this morning, as I am sure many others of you were as well.
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