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Link me
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Future Cop Haters of America.
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| By Jared - 07/16/2003 - 9:17pm |
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Today at work, I saw something that pissed me off so fucking much. My view is of the street and the opposite sides sidewalk. I see a motorcycle cop go by and turn around and stop right across from me. Then comes a little kid on a skateboard. This is not a little punk skater, causing problems or shit like that. It’s just a little 10 year old boy going down the sidewalk. He was not causing any problems. I have seen this kid go by numerous times, and never one has he been trouble.
So I can see the cop is lecturing the kid, and I can see the kid is crying. 10 minutes or so go bye, and the cop starts writing the kid a fucking ticket. Holy FUCKING shit, he gave this harmless little kid a goddamn ticket. What a DICK!!!
This fucking cop is the reason kids grow up hating cops.
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Efidac 24: The Opposite of Viagra
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| By Jared - 06/30/2003 - 6:455pm |
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I took a trip once from Chicago to Las Vegas. I have relatives living there, so I usually stay at a house. This trip we were staying at the Excalibur. Unfortunately, I was also sick. I had a terrible cold. I got up at like 3 am and went to Osco to get some cold remedy. I chose the strongest I could find. Efidac 24.
There were 7 of us going, so we had a limo take us to the airport. By the time the limo got to us, my Efidac was already kicking in. But there was a problem. My heart was racing and I was sweating like a motherfucker even though it was 40 degrees outside. All the way to the airport, I thought I was dying. At the airport I could barely focus on anything. Visually yes, mentally NO. The entire flight was a pattern of ridiculous heart rates and sweat. Eventually made it to Vegas only to find we were 2 hours early for check-in time at the hotel. So we hung out in the casino for a while. I was going to play some machines, but I could barely add 2 + 2 under the influence of this medication.
So, now I gotta piss. I go into the bathroom, stand at the urinal and ATTEMPT to pull my dick out. There’s just one problem. At this moment, my dick was so fucking small and shriveled that there was barely enough to hold on to while pissing. I finally worked it out a little, and I can only imagine what my fellow pissers thought of me tugging on my pud. But it had to be done. So I finally get to piss but have to push hard to get it to start coming out. I finish, or I should say "I think I finish" and zip up. I start walking away from the urinal when I notice a warm wetness on my leg. NOW I’M PISSING ON MYSELF!!! I no longer had any control of my bladder. So now I am carrying my bag around in front of me to block the embarrassment of the wet spot. Eventually I got up to my room and passed out, still in my piss soaked pants.
I am not sure of they still sell this Efidac shit, but I highly recommend you fucking avoid it…
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Where's my Bicycle?
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| By Jared - 06/29/2003 - 3:15pm |
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This is just a quick one here:
I have developed a curiosity over an abandoned bicycle chained up to a light pole outside a 7-11 in Burbank. I first noticed it two years ago. TWO YEARS it has been chained to this pole. I have thought about going inside and asking a 7-11 employee, but I don't speak Persian or Armenian. or whatever the fuck it is, so it would be a futile attempt ending in me feeling like a racist again. Plus although I want to appease my curiosity, I would also like to see how long this bike can remain here.
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Short Term Rockstars
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| By Jared - 06/29/2003 - 12:30pm |
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First thing you all must do today is go buy the David Cross cd "Shut Up You Fucking Baby". Trust me, you will not be dissapointed...
And now on to today's rant:
I was at the Jimmy Kimmel show Thursday night. A band by the name of Trapt performed. They do that song "Headstrong". Bland blah rock/metal. After the show, the band is hanging around backstage, pretty much just doing nothing. When I left, which was an hour after the show taping ended, i walk out and see a small crowd of Trapt fans standing outside waiting to meet the band. An hour after the show, and you mean to tell me these guys can't come out for 5 fucking minutes and meet the few fucking fans they have? I don't think this band realizes they won't have these fans next year, they most likely won't have their record deal next year, and they won't have that big ass tour bus next year. These bands really need to take advantage of the honoring of fans. Don't make your fans wait outside for over an hour while you are 50 feet away insde just dickin around. Get outside, shake some hands, hug some girls, sign some autographs, etc... It's not that difficult, and it aint gonna last forever.
I myself am a recovering "Short Term Rockstar":
A small number of years ago, I was "cool" I was in a band, we had fans, lots of them, we got signed, etc… I had girls screaming for me as I walked on stage to my drums. The only problem is that I was a huge fucking dork at that time. I don’t mean dork as in Weezer dork. I mean it as in I had no fashion sense, was in the midst of long hair gone bad/cut long hair to bad short, don’t know what to do with short hair, variety of bad short hair cuts, stupid glasss, etc… So the record deal turned to shit, as most do, inner turmoil caused the band to fall apart, and that was that.
It’s weird though, how fans don’t seem to understand that just because they see you on stage or hear you on the radio, or in my case, a Buzz clip on South American MTV(thanks to Giant records for that great marketing move), it doesn’t mean you are really anything special.
I went to a show once at the Congress Theatre in Chicago, and some fans of mine noticed me and my bandmate. We stood outside talking to them. It was winter, so I had a long black coat on. While talking to them, I reached into my coat pocket and pulled out a ball of pocket lint. I threw it on the ground, and one of the girls immediately bent down and picked it up. Wow… My first Rock Star moment. Once someone who is NOT a detective feels the need to keep your pocket lint, you know you mean something special to them. Of course this girl had no idea I had to be to work at the mall at 9am the next morning. But oh well…
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